Gary Chapman is the author of this book. Before writing “The 5 Love Languages,” he spent years taking notes when talking to couples. This book is chock-full of inspiring stories, actions, and advice for maintaining a fruitful relationship.
Why is the love language important?
Despite their love for one another, they are all distinct individuals. Every human being has their own set of thoughts, desires, and feelings. For example, some people value a “good morning” greeting from their spouse, while others do not. It does not imply that they do not love their partner. Everyone has different ideas and opinions about love languages. One may believe that giving a gift implies love, while another may believe that spending time implies strong love. As a result, it is critical to identify your spouse’s love language. At the same time, it is your responsibility to make your partner aware of your preferred love language.
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There are five different love languages:
1. Words of affirmation:
If your love language is words of affirmation, you are extremely fortunate because you can easily make your partner happy with just words. So, what kind of words should you use now? It should be supportive, motivating, and encouraging. For example, “You did an excellent job.” Remember to use at least three sentences per day to spice up your love story using love language.
- You look stunning in your outfit.
- The cake you baked was delicious.
- You made an excellent choice.
Appreciation of this type is also used in everyday life. If you do this for a month, the outcome will astound you. If “an apple a day keeps the doctor away,” perhaps a compliment a day will keep the counselor away, according to the author.
Are you bad at complementing others?
You don’t have to worry about anything because technology has advanced significantly. All you have to do is observe the complementary words while watching TV, using your phone, reading books or magazines, or listening to a podcast. If you keep an eye on them, you will eventually get an idea of how to complement your sweetheart every day.
Since your bae’s love language is words of affirmation, love letters will undoubtedly impress him or her. Instead of buying greeting cards, write your own love letter. Whatever you think about your partner, explain how you felt when you fell in love with your partner, specify your sweetheart’s best qualities, and describe the quality time you spent with your partner. Fill in the details with whatever makes you happy about your partner. A simple letter can help you establish a strong relationship.
In front of others, complement:
Have you ever complimented your partner in front of others? In front of their parents and friends, no less? You will receive double credit if you do so. Your partner will be thankful to have you. Furthermore, your partner’s parents will consider themselves fortunate to have such a wonderful son-in-law or daughter-in-law.
2. Quality time:
Quality time is one of the important love languages. I’d like to explain the distinction between spending time and quality time. Every second spent cannot be considered quality time. For example, sitting on the couch with your partner and watching a movie does not qualify as quality time.
Sitting on the couch with your spouse for 20 minutes and talking will strengthen your relationship. Remember, you won’t get those 20 minutes back. Quality time is determined not by the number of hours spent with your partner, but by how attentively you both communicate with each other.
Examples of not having quality time:
- Going out with a partner and constantly using your phone.
- Visiting a restaurant simply for the purpose of eating. If you see an unmarried couple, they will stare at each other and talk for a long time. If you see a married couple, they will be gazing at the restaurant.
- Cooking a meal together without communicating.
Whatever you do without attentive communication is not quality time.
You can achieve togetherness by using this love language. Togetherness is not physical proximity, but rather a focus on one another. When you and your partner live in the same house, it is simply a matter of proximity. Togetherness, on the other hand, is achieved by paying attention to one another. Spending time together on a common interest communicates that we care about each other, that we enjoy being together, and that we enjoy doing things together.
If quality time is your spouse’s love language:
- Go for a walk together and inquire about his or her childhood memories. It not only allows you to spend quality time with your partner, but it also helps to learn about his or her childhood.
- Make inquiries about any of the five activities he/she would enjoy doing with you. And engage in those activities cheerfully.
- Arrange a weekend getaway with your partner. Remember, never use your phone, TV, or anything else that could ruin your mood on the weekend.
- Set aside time each day to discuss how both of your days went.
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3. Receiving gifts:
What exactly is a gift? The gift has nothing to do with the product, the prize, or the brand. The gift, however, is a thought. It conveys to your partner how much you value them. I’m not saying giving a gift implies real love. Rather, I’m saying that giving a gift requires you to go above and beyond. You begin by determining your partner’s likes and preferences, and then you search for those products. After that, you finalize the gift based on a few factors. Finally, you keep it hidden as if it were a treasure. All you’ve done so far is to see your sweetheart’s happy, smiling face. What matters is that you thought of him/her.
Your mother remembers the day when you gave her a beautiful flower picked from the garden on Mother’s Day. Even though it was only a flower, she felt like she was flying in the sky. It shows that gift-giving is a fundamental aspect of love.
Gifts are visual representations of love. Wedding rings are exchanged as a ritual. Some people will never remove the ring from their finger, while others will. If they remove the ring from their hand, it does not imply that they do not love their partner; rather, it indicates that their love language is different. However, if your spouse removes the ring and throws it at you, it does not indicate that he or she has a different love language but rather that your relationship is in trouble and needs to be repaired.
If your partner’s love language is giving gifts, unless you are a millionaire, he or she will not mind expensive gifts. If you are a millionaire and a one-dollar gift does not please your spouse, If you are poor and give a one-dollar gift, your spouse will happily jump to the sky.
If your spouse’s love language is receiving gifts,
- Buy flowers when you get home from work.
- If you have the time, make your own gift. It could be a work of art or something else.
- Take note when your spouse says, “I want this or I like this shirt.” Purchase those items and plan a surprise.
- Purchase plants if your partner enjoys gardening.
- If he or she is interested, you can buy puppies or birds.
4. Act of service:
Small actions can lead to strong relationships. Cooking a meal, washing the dishes, doing laundry, cleaning the house, carrying bags in a shopping mall, making a coffee, changing a baby’s diaper, and any other act of care is an acts of service. Even if it is not your job, you are doing it to support, please, or make him/her happy.
- Your wife has a fish tank that she adores. You spend time changing the water in the fish tank.
- Your husband has a fantastic car that he adores. Despite your dislike of driving, you take the time to clean the car.
Simple acts of service include:
- Making the bed every day.
- Polishing the shoes.
- Cleaning the bookshelf.
You can express how much you love her by doing small things when you don’t have to.
We will need to understand two critical points. The first is a criticism, and the second is a request. If you want your partner to do some work, rather than criticizing them, make a request. because criticism leaves a bad impression. When you criticize your partner for not doing the laundry, he will most likely do it out of hatred and anger. He will not do it out of love. But if you ask him to help you, he will probably say yes.
Criticism: You never do the laundry!
Request: Could you do the laundry?
Both suggest that he needs to do the laundry, but with different emotions, which is an important aspect of a relationship.
If your spouse’s love language is acts of service, consider the following:
- Make a list of everything your spouse has asked of you in the last few weeks. Choose one of these each week and do it as an act of love.
- While your spouse is away, enlist the help of your children to perform an act of service for him. When he walks in, join the children in exclaiming, “Surprise! We love you! ” Then, tell us about your act of service.
- If you have more money than time, consider hiring someone to perform the acts of service that you know your spouse would appreciate.
- “If I could do one unique act of service this week, what would you request?” Ask your spouse on a regular basis. Do it if you can, and watch as your spouse’s love tank fills up!
5. Physical touch:
Physical touch is a means to show your love. According to research, children who were hugged and kissed on a regular basis acquired a healthier mental condition than children who did not receive a physical touch from their parents. Holding hands, kissing, hugging, and embracing your lover strengthens your bond, especially if physical touch is your partner’s love language.
Another key point to keep in mind is that a relationship’s physical touch can make or break it. It has the ability to transmit both hate and affection. So, before engaging in physical touch, consider your partner’s emotional condition and the situation.
Have you ever declined to shake someone’s hand? Is this something that happens to you? It gives the message that something is wrong in their relationship, and it will sting the person who has been ignored, especially if their love language is physical touch. So never dismiss your partner’s attempts to make physical contact with you. If you don’t desire physical contact at times, you should try to communicate your concerns to your spouse.
If physical touch is your spouse’s love language:
- Go shopping with your mate and hold hands.
- Allow your knee or foot to slip over and touch your partner while you’re dining together.
- When you have the opportunity, offer a warm-shoulder message.
- When family or friends are visiting, touch your spouse in their presence. Your touch should show how much you care and how affectionate you are with your lover. “Even with all these people in our house, I see you,” it says. It’s important to remember that it shouldn’t make people feel uncomfortable.
- When your partner arrives home, greet him or her one step ahead and offer a strong hug.
Discuss the love languages with your partner after reading this article. Find out what your sweetheart’s love language is. Likewise, express yours. It will not only help you strengthen your bond, but it will also help you avoid unnecessary fights. For example, what might happen if your partner’s love language is a gift and yours is an affirmation? You don’t care about giving periodic gifts because it never means anything to you. However, your partner may be concerned and believe he or she is unloved. Similarly, your partner does not compliment you on the things you do. Knowing your partner’s love language can help you strengthen your relationship.