9 lessons for strong relationship – Getting the Love You Want!

I’m sure you’ll share this article with your sweetheart after reading it! When your relationship begins, you will experience the honeymoon period with butterflies in your stomach. However, it will later appear as if the butterflies have been imprisoned in a dark room. We can’t live without a problem. However, we frequently fail to identify the exact nature of the problem.

We all feel irritated, annoyed, frustrated, and depressed at times, but do you know what is causing the problem? Many relationships end up breaking up or divorcing despite not knowing what caused the problem.And some couples live together despite their miscommunications, problems, and pain in order to provide a good life for their children. Both were extremely challenging.

If you fail in your personal life, no matter how much money you make or what position you hold, you will be frustrated from the bottom of your heart. This book explains how to strengthen your relationship through various techniques. This book is more than just a collection of facts. It invites the reader and the couple to participate in a process that will help them resolve conflicts in their relationship and become more conscious.

The unconscious marriage:

Table of Contents

1. Attraction:

What causes one person to be drawn to another? skin color? character? Attitude? Beauty? What else is there? People are drawn to their own thoughts more than biology. Allow me to speak about neuroscience. We have two amazing brains. The first is the old brain, and the second is the new brain, which is nothing more than the rational brain.

If you had a bad experience with a spider as a child, no matter how old you get, you will still be scared or irritated by spiders. That is where the old brain comes into play. Your rational mind will try to assist you by saying things like, “Don’t be afraid, it’s just a spider.” But can you guess who wins? Yes, the old brain.

Similarly, we are drawn to those who are similar to us. So we hunt for someone who shares the same characteristics as the person who raised us. Because we believe these are ideal characteristics for a nice person deep down in our minds. The old brain believes it will aid in the healing of childhood wounds.

2. Childhood wounds:

Parents, society, and the environment inflict many wounds on children. It’s possible that the wounds aren’t too serious (such as those caused by accidents or abuse). However, it could be a little wound that goes unnoticed. “Complete union” is a time in our lives when we cannot distinguish ourselves from others when we are born.

However, we will not recall this state when we reach adulthood, but our primitive brain will. Our bond to life energy is shared with our mother, father, siblings, relatives, friends, and society. We may experience a number of wounds along the way that will lodge deeply in our minds while we enter into a relationship.

3. Imago:

Many of us never agree that we choose our relationship partner based on our parents’ characteristics. We don’t do it consciously. Despite our best efforts to find a mate who is unlike our parents, we end up with someone who has our parents’ characteristics. Our primitive brain wants to fix the untreated wounds of childhood. The Imago theory comes into play here.

Our unconscious image of our ideal companion is called an Imago. This image is made up of our parents’ positive and negative features, as well as the parts of ourselves that we have buried and need to be treated.

4. Romantic love:

Do you believe me when I say that the feelings you experienced when you fell in love were caused by your unconscious brain? You will be happier if you fall in love with someone. You have the impression that you have discovered a treasure. You feel all the butterflies in the world flying around in your stomach. This is all because our old brain believes we have been given the opportunity to heal.

And do you ever think to yourself, “I’ve known you my whole life,” despite the fact that you’ve only known him/her for two months? The reason for this is that our unconscious mind tries to recreate what we have previously experienced. Hendrix (the author) comes to the conclusion that romantic love is an illusion. The fact is that our subconscious mind is influencing our relationship life.

5. The power struggle:

Everything is fine in the romantic stage because it is an illusion. However, once the next stage begins, our minds will be triggered. And this stage is known as the commitment stage, in which you get married or officially become partners. At this stage, we expect our partner to think, act, and do things that correspond to what we imagined during the romantic state (illusion state). It will shatter our illusions. You begin to see the reality that is diametrically opposed to your illusion. Then it is natural to reach the conclusion that “she/he has completely changed.”

The conscious marriage:

6. Becoming conscious:

After reading everything above, you will be inclined to blame everything on your old brain. However, your old brain is on a mission to heal your wounds. The question now is, how do you manipulate your old brain? It cannot be influenced, but the good news is that your conscious mind can be given power.

Here are the ten qualities of a conscious relationship:

1) Admit that the hidden goal of your relationship is to heal your wounds.

2) Remember that your partner is a fellow wounded person, not your savior.

3) It is your responsibility to communicate to your partner your desires and needs.

4) Your interaction should be intentional to have a healthy relationship.

5) Value your partner’s needs as much as your own.

6) Accept that you have a negative personality trait.

7) Instead of relying on your partner, learn how to achieve your objectives on your own.

8) Accept your weaknesses and work to improve them.

9) Recognize your true nature.

10) Recognize how difficult it is to build a positive relationship.

7. Closing your exits:

An exit is a means of escape. When you want to get out of a situation, you look for a way out. Do you recognize yourself at any of these exits in your relationship?

Silence and avoidance of communication
When things get out of hand, you contact your ex.
You almost certainly spend more time with your friends.

These are the escape routes that you believe will make you feel better, but in reality, they are the main reasons for the relationship’s failure. As a result, always try to limit your exit zone. Whatever the situation, never open this exit door because it will end your relationship.

8. Gain knowledge:

Everyone is an individual. Everyone has their own point of view and opinion. Your perspective on the world and your partner’s perspective on the world will be completely opposite. That doesn’t mean one of you is correct and the other is incorrect. We must acknowledge that both are individuals with the right to hold opposing views.

The majority of our partner’s criticism is grounded in reality:

When criticism is delivered in an accusatory tone, you are more likely to react negatively, such as ignoring it or starting a fight. For instance, if your spouse said to you, “You never do anything in the garden. “You will most likely become enraged when your partner blames you, but you will forget that you deserve the blame as you’re the one who failed to do the gardening. Finding the truth in criticism allows you to avoid misunderstandings and fights.

Criticizing our partner is an expression of our own unsatisfied needs:

Criticism may occur not because your partner deserves it but because you have unmet needs. For example, you may blame your partner for failing to appreciate your efforts. This is because, deep inside your heart, you have an unsatisfied desire for appreciation from your childhood. Nobody cares about you, and today you are expecting appreciation from your partner, which will again lead to disappointment. As a result, your partner will receive criticism.

Criticism can be used to describe the parts of ourselves that have been rejected:

You criticize your partner for being bossy. This is not because he or she is bossy, but because you want to be bossy but you can’t. When you are unable to do something that your partner is an expert at, you are likely to blame your partner and develop an inferiority complex. And your partner will have no idea why you’ve been acting this way. Instead of thinking this way, try complimenting your partner on having this quality.

9. Criticism as a deep desire:

When your partner criticizes you, consider it a desire rather than a criticism. Let me give you an example. Imagine your partner criticizing you for interrupting while he or she is telling a story. Don’t take it as criticism. Instead, consider it from your partner’s perspective. He/she desires to tell you a story. And it is your responsibility to fulfill your partner’s desire. This will lead to building a healthy relationship.

Final Thoughts:

This book assists couples in resolving relationship issues and living happy life together. Furthermore, this book shares real-life stories to provide a better understanding. I attempted to provide the most important lessons from the book. However, reading the book in its entirety and adhering to it will have a significant impact on your life as a couple.