What is the secret to a happy marriage? Why do some marriages fail and end in divorce? This book reveals the secrets of a happy marriage. We all know that marriage has its ups and downs, but these seven principles may assist you in developing a healthier relationship with your spouse. The book combines concepts, empirical research, and step-by-step activities that any couple can use to strengthen their marriage. In addition, this book debunks myths about why marriages fail and identifies warning signs of marriage breakdown.
He calls these four signs the four horsemen of the apocalypse:
- Criticism: Finding faults.
- Contempt: Lack of respect.
- Defensiveness: Talk in a defensive manner
- Stonewalling: Avoid face-to-face interaction.
7 valuable Principles for Making Marriage Work:
1. Love map:
A love map is essential for marriage life, just as a road map is for getting to your destination. A love map is simply knowing everything there is to know about your partner. Understand your partner’s world. Understand your partner’s love language, preferences, and life-changing events. These are some ways to strengthen your relationship with your partner. For example,
- What causes your partner to be stressed?
- What is the most significant day in your partner’s life, and why?
- What is the goal of your partner?
- What are they afraid of?
- What book genre does your partner enjoy? The genre of a book can reveal a lot about your partner.
Ask yourself these questions and find your score. How can you expect to have a successful marriage life if you don’t know these simple answers about your partner? It’s not too late; you can still work it out. Discuss your concerns with your partner. If you don’t do anything to make your marriage life work, you shouldn’t expect to have a happy marriage life.
Knowing everything about your partner will help you face difficult events. The more detailed the map, the stronger the love. Sometimes the love map shifts, and you must learn to adapt. For example, goals and priorities may shift after having a child. Even your life will be altered by the arrival of a new adorable baby. So, no matter what happens, be prepared to strengthen your love map.
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2. Nurture fondness:
When you’re feeling down about your marriage, remember how happy you both were when you got married. Remember the quality time you spent with your partner? However, if you can remind yourself of your spouse’s positive characteristics, you can keep your marriage alive and thriving.
What is it about your partner that you admire the most? Make a list of those items and discuss them. Thank your partner for having this characteristic. Make it clear to your partner that you admire those qualities. Do everything you can to nurture the affection and admiration.
- Planning date nights together or surprise date nights
- Knowing your partner’s desire and fulfilling it
- Together, try out new challenges or hobbies.
- Give compliments when they do their best.
- Come early from the office and spend more time with your partner.
3. Turn Toward Each Other:
What is directing your attention to your partner? When your partner returns home from a stressful day out, he or she may want to share their day with you.
For example, if your partner says, “Today I had a terrible day at work,” you might respond, “I am too busy to listen!” or “Hmm..okay!” (Ignoring and carrying on with your work.)
This is referred to as turning away! Such behavior will result in an unhealthy relationship. because you are fueling the fire, and your partner has already had a stressful day. Listening to your partner is more important than expensive gifts in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Try something like,
- How was your day?
- It will be fine.
- You can make it work.
- I am here to support you.
This is referred to as “turning toward your partner.” You don’t have to do anything, but these words work like magic. Your partner will be thankful to have you. Furthermore, he/she may easily recover from office stress.
Another small gesture to turn toward your partner are
- Make a phone call during your lunch break.
- When you have time, send messages.
It may seem negligible, but it contributes to the strength of your relationship.
Some things to consider when approaching your partner:
- Every day, spend at least 20 minutes talking with your partner.
- Instead of giving advice, offer encouragement.
- Talk to them with genuine interest and show that you understand.
- Recognize their feelings.
There are more ups and downs in marriage life. You can’t always be cheerful and romantic. Misunderstandings will occur, as well as depression. Sometimes you feel drawn to your partner, and other times you need to distance yourself. You must take action to improve your marriage life. Nobody else can help you.
4. Let your partner influence you:
When couples work together as a team, they are more likely to stay together.
Allowing your partner to influence you does not mean allowing your partner to control you, but it does mean involving your partner in decision-making and sharing opinions. Remember that when one person has all the power in a relationship, it will not last long. Before making any decisions, sit down with your partner and discuss them. Of course, you and your partner will have opposing viewpoints. Together, you should find the advantages and disadvantages of your viewpoint and come to a decision.
For example, if you plan a vacation, both of you will be thinking about different places. Instead of fighting, make a list of the specific details.
- Your vacation spending plan
- How many days did you intend to spend?
- Examine the weather forecast. Whether it is a good time to visit the spot.
- How will you spend your time there? What are your intentions?
- Determine the benefits and drawbacks of the places.
Finally, make a decision as a team. By doing so, you were valuing your partner’s opinion. It’s not just about how happy you were on vacation; it’s also about how you keep your relationship strong. Marital life becomes successful when each partner accepts the influence of the other.
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5. Solve Your Solvable Problems:
Every marriage has disagreements. “Marriage is the union of two distinct individuals.” It is not possible to live without conflict. It is all about how you solve it. Every marriage has two types of conflict: those that can be resolved and those that are perpetual or ongoing.
The three major ongoing conflicts are:
- One partner desires a child, but the other is not ready.
- Both have opposing beliefs.
- One does all of the housework, while the other does not.
There are simple steps to take to resolve these conflicts.
A) Soften your startup: A “soft start” allows your partner to better understand your point.
How do you soften?
- Avoid placing blame on your partner.
- Reduce your voice.
- Communicate calmly.
- Don’t be impolite.
- Avoid passing judgment.
B) Repair attempts: You should learn how to end an argument when it becomes heated.
- Wrapping your arm around your partner
- Give your partner a hug.
- Make some jokes.
C) Accept mistakes: Remember that your partner is also human. And he or she is free to make mistakes. Everyone has flaws and weaknesses. Instead of focusing on your partner’s flaws, consider his or her best qualities. If you truly love your partner, you will not be bothered by their flaws. Be prepared to accept your partner’s flaws. Nobody is without flaws. At last, everyone is a human. once you’ve mastered your problem-solving skills, many issues in your marriage will begin to resolve themselves.
6. Overcome Gridlock:
Gridlock occurs when the couple is constantly arguing and disagreeing. This occurs when you are no longer willing to compromise your need for other people. Dos and Don’ts During Gridlock:
Don’t do the following:
- Forcing your partner to agree to your point: Your partner will believe you are controlling him or her. Don’t try to force your point. We are all individuals with unique perspectives. Instead of imposing, figure out why your partner disagreed with you. And look for solutions.
- Not allowing your partner to speak will make them feel as if they haven’t had a chance to express themselves.
- Blaming your partner will result in resentment, anger, and hatred. Remember that blaming is a defensive communication. Blaming is more likely to start or escalate a conflict than to end it. When one person in a conflict becomes defensive, the other person is likely to follow suit.
- Negative talk about the past: Negative talk about the past will lead to frustration.
- Keeping your partner at bay: It will act as a bridge between you and your partner.
Instead, try the following:
- First, listen to your partner and comprehend their viewpoint.
- Then, in a polite manner, express your point.
- Respect each other.
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7. Share and create rituals:
If you’re living like roommates, it’s time to pull the plug. Sharing is essential in the development of relationships. Involve your partner in whatever you do.
- Do you want to surprise your sister or mother? Involve your partner. Request suggestions. Combine your efforts.
- Do you want to invest in the stock market? Talk to your partner about it. Determine the advantages and disadvantages. Discuss future goals and make plans accordingly.
Every family has certain rituals and cultures that help make a happy couple. Make up your own rituals. It could be:
- Make a call during lunch.
- Dinner should last 1 hour. It’s not just a dinner; it’s a chance to air all of your thoughts and opinions.
- Fights should be forgotten the following morning.
To be a happy couple, you must discuss everything with your partner. Spending time together is more important than buying presents. Understanding, supporting, motivating, respecting, caring, and accepting who they are are all components of a happy relationship. Furthermore, forgiveness is essential. Whatever they do, if they express regret, you must learn to forgive your partner. Don’t let the misunderstanding worsen. While it is still small, cut it. At last, he or she is your sweetheart, and you will never find a better partner.